


Bullet With Butterfly Wings

by Shorti



Series: The Spirit and the Shield [8]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Captain America's Jacket, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Resolved Sexual Tension, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 13:39:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6660322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shorti/pseuds/Shorti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not the knee weakening shower sex afterwards that makes Steve's chest tight. It’s the sudden fear that this might have a time limit. Like trying to hold onto a butterfly without crushing it or letting it fly away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bullet With Butterfly Wings

**Author's Note:**

> I've been dying to write down my headcanon about how Maria ended up with Steve's jacket forever. Everything Maria does is measured so there's no chance in my mind that she would put Steve's jacket on without knowing exactly how she's going to be perceived. 
> 
> This is me attempting to give these two some semblance of a happily ever after. 
> 
> Also, Sam Wilson is the bomb! The more I watch Winter Soldier the more I fall in love with his quick smile. He doesn't get enough love in fandom and it sucks!

_“Fire now.”_

_“But Steve!”_

_“Do it! Do it now!”_

There is a clause buried deep inside every S.H.I.E.L.D agent’s employment contract that stipulates their responsibility to put down other agents should they become compromised. Maria doesn’t think firing on Captain America as he lay injured on the helicarrier fits that clause.

Jasper had questioned her connection to Rogers and though at the time Maria wanted to knock him on his ass, she’s starting to question it too. That’s why she doesn’t volunteer to be part of the rescue crew who scour the banks of the Potomac for him. It’s why she doesn’t visit when she learns from Sharon that he’s woken up from the coma. In the few hours before they found him, she caught a glimpse of what life would be like by his side. Nat’s question about Rogers’ whereabouts is laced with concern, Sam’s with incredulity and Fury’s with command. And they were his friends. Maria’s not sure even she wants to put up with the scrutiny of the rest of the world.

_Who is she loyal to now?_

S.H.I.E.L.D is gone but its spirit lives on in those who chose to stand against HYDRA. The ones who are fleeing and hiding now that their secrets have been spilled across the internet. The ones Maria has been sworn to protect even if it means she’ll be raked over the coals for a mess she didn’t create.

Maria’s not a run and hide kind of person and she’ll be damned if she’s going to start now.

Many, including congress, will question why Maria is employed at Stark Industries. Neither Tony, nor Pepper is one of those people and that fact alone makes it easier to put up with Tony’s incorrigible sense of humour.

Maria is analyzing the specs of Iron Man’s last flight pattern when JARVIS informs her she’s got a visitor. Captain America has always been welcome at Stark Industries, which is why JARVIS doesn’t think anything of allowing him in without her express authorization.

One moment she’s thinking those lines of communication have been severed and cauterized and the next he’s standing in front of her, opening up that wound with his earnest and somewhat sad smile.

She leans against her desk and takes his measure just as he does hers. She really hopes the difficulty she has swallowing isn’t apparent. He cuts an imposing figure in his white t-shirt and blue jacket. Besides a minor contusion below his right eye and a small cut on his bottom lip, it would be impossible to tell he’d been near death less than a week ago.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “It was a lot to ask.”

She shrugs. “You knew I would do it.”

“Not for the reasons you think.” When she acquiesces and allows herself to meet his eyes, her heart thuds against her rib cage at the intensity of his gaze. “I suppose any chance of a friendship is gone?”

“Is that what you want?” She can barely ask the question.

It’s not the right thing to say.

Or maybe it is.

Rogers takes it as encouragement.

Later she wonders how much of a push he really needed. He moves so quickly that her immediate reaction is to reach for her sidearm. And then his palm is on her hip and his arm encircles her waist. His lips take possession of hers before he backs her up against the wall like he’s been restraining himself for as long as he can.

“JARVIS!” Maria manages to breathe when he finally comes up for air. His thumb massages a trail from her cheek and down to her chin, lifting her head up, ready to meet him again.

“I hope that’s not your only reaction,” Steve says. The way he slides his tongue into her mouth makes Maria think he hasn’t really heard what she’s saying. If he keeps kissing her like that she’s not going to care.

With a great deal of reluctant effort she thumps on his back.

“Captain!”

“Don’t,” he murmurs against her lips. “Don’t back slide, _Maria_.”

She blinks once and uses the fraction of time to gather her thoughts. She’s Maria Hill, formerly of S.H.I.E.L.D, top of her graduating class, not some horny teenager. But _oh shit_ if he keeps saying her name like that she’s going to let him fuck her in her office.

“Stark,” she says. The name is a metaphorical bucket of ice water over them both. “He’s got eyes everywhere.”

“Not everywhere,” he says.

His apartment is still freezing but after a couple of beers and a lot of encouragement from his deft hands, she doesn’t feel anything but the coil of desire in her belly. Maria categorises sex in the same boat as work. Efficiency and well laid plans is the key to successful missions on both counts. Steve refuses to conform to any of her rules.

In short, Captain America is a bully in bed.

She meets every teasing kiss and rough nip with her own, unwilling to let him get the upper hand.

“How am I not surprised you’re competitive in bed?” He laughs. She responds by taking the length of him in her hand and he inhales sharply. 

His breath is hot against her skin as he kisses between her breasts and then he teases and tickles her nipples with his tongue until they’re hard and puckered.

When neither of them can take it anymore, she raises her hips and he spreads her apart and enters her. It’s been a while since Maria’s had sex and she thinks for a second that given his size there was going to be some friction. But she’s so wet and ready that she feels nothing but the rivulets of pleasure that radiate through her as they find a rhythm and the pace of his thrusts pick up.

She matches each of his drives with equal force and it doesn’t take long for the heat to build up inside her to almost unbearable levels.

His weight on top of her is both smothering and intoxicating. The sound of his heavy breathing in her ear drives Maria insane and on his next thrust she wraps her legs around him and push upwards so that his cock buries deeper inside her. Her whole body tingles and then she feels him tense. His final thrust is so powerful he has to catch her around the waist to stop her head from smacking the wall. The last thing she thinks of before he pushes her over the edge of a screaming orgasm is that it would be worth it.

Afterwards he rolls onto his back and slides his hand around her stomach, locking her into a cuddle. She thinks for a moment that he doesn't notice her stiffen but when he plants a trio of kisses on her shoulder blade she feels the treble of laughter in his chest pressed against her back.

“You want to go back to work don’t you?” he asks.  He entwines his legs in hers and leans over her to pick up a tablet on the night stand. “Here. Is this enough to make you stay?”

The glare she pierces him with is answer enough. He watches her dress with blue eyes so mournful she almost reconsiders. _Almost._

He catches hold of her wrist as he sees her out. Neither of them is sure when they’ll see each other next. She knows from Fury that he’s about to leave on his wild soldier chase for Barnes. Even now Maria dreads his request for her assistance but he knows her well enough now to understand the consequences of his actions on someone like her.

He reaches out and brushes her cheek with feather like tenderness. “There’s no one else in this world I would have trusted to kill me,” he says.

“I hope the next time we meet that statement won’t be true anymore,” she responds. That’s the best Maria can give him and more than he probably hoped for.

* * *

 

Often now, when they’re on the road together, Steve’s not sure how he managed to survive the days before Sam came into his life. They’ve reached dead ends everywhere they turn looking for Bucky and if not for Sam’s indomitable positiveness, Steve’s not sure how he could go on.

Then there are those rare times when Sam goes beyond the call of duty and wedges himself very rudely between Maria and the Stark Industries buffoon that’s trying to pick her up at a one of Stark’s many parties. Sam can’t be sure what’s happening between Steve and Maria, hell Steve’s not sure himself, but Sam can afford to be possessive where Steve can’t.

Of course Maria’s ire is all for Steve when they get a moment alone. He doesn’t want to be the jealous guy but Steve’s losing one battle to find his friend and he can’t bear the idea of losing her too. If he ever had her at all.

He says none of this when she skewers him with that look that makes him wince as much as it makes him hot under the collar.         

He indulges in a long glimpse of her, his first in almost four months. There’s a new scar that filigrees like an electrical burn radiating across her collarbone and Steve’s sure it’s from a taser rod. Romanoff informed him of Strike’s attempted retaliation on Maria and her swift and deadly response.

She doesn’t flinch when he grazes his fingers across the scar but doesn’t soften either.

“You can’t go around playing the Neanderthal whenever I talk to another man,” she snaps.

“You were talking,” Steve says. “He was leering.”

“So what?”

He doesn’t know what to say.

Clearly, seventy years hasn’t improved him knowledge when it comes to understanding women. So it comes as a definite shock when she drags him into one of the server rooms and lets him pin her face first to the wall. The lights stay off but the blinking of the power grid is enough illumination for him to hitch her dress up around her waist. Steve’s heard of quickies but he’s always been more of a slow and steady kind of guy. Yet he can’t fault the heat that relieves him of his senses as he bangs her like a screen door in a hurricane.

The server room is tiny and his enhanced hearing picks up voices close by. He attempts to be helpful but covering up her whimpers with his hand. Instead she parts her lips and takes two of his fingers in her hot mouth and it drives him wild. They both finish in a cacophony of heavy breathing.

After she catches her breath, Maria smooths her skirt back into place with a firm hand. She taps him lightly on the cheek. “When you walk in on me doing that with someone else, then you have leave to be jealous. Wait ten minutes and then you can come out.”

It takes half an hour before he’s in any state to even think about moving.

* * *

 

It’s not often they’re in the same city at the same time but when it happens, Steve is grateful. When those brief interludes turn into whole nights together, Steve realises it’s a blessing. Maria doesn’t bestow her trust easily and that she’s willing to allow him access to her at her most vulnerable is priceless.

That’s how he learns he’s not the only one who has nightmares.

Steve’s dreams are often plagued with wintery tombs and the decaying infirmary of everyone he holds dear through the passage of time. He’s a deep sleeper these days though, and the only way he knows for sure that his nightmares are tangible is when he wakes with Maria cocooned beside him. Her intimacy is never casual and they’ve had words about his claustrophobic, _her assertion not his_ , tendency to cuddling. Sometimes, if he lies still for long enough, he can watch the planes of her face smooth out. Other times he wakes her with a languid kiss, a thank you that leads to mingled breath and fiery desire.

When Maria starts awake from a nightmare, the absolute worst thing to do is try and touch her. Steve learns this the hard way and ends up with a broken nose for his troubles. After the second time, he figures if she’s going to hit him, it might as well be inside the ring.

It turns out not to be his brightest idea. He’s sparred with Maria before in S.H.I.E.L.D’s training center but those times she was a restrained agent. Those last few months she was fighting him as well as an illness. The woman who paces opposite him now is a caged creature, startlingly beautiful and frightfully deadly.

It was Thor who first mentioned it to Steve during one of their missions to hunt down Loki’s scepter. “She has the world on her shoulders and nobody knows she’s carrying it. That creates demons and some demons cannot be defeated by men.”

Steve’s not sure she fully recognizes him in her post nightmare state but he needs his wits because she sure as hell brings hers. He gets lessons in all the reasons why she was Fury’s second in command. Some people are merely clever but Maria is that challenging mix of intelligence and cunning. She goes into a fight the same way as she goes into a mission. With all of her options carefully thought through and an exit plan laid out. Fighting with Maria is one part exorcising demons and one part foreplay.

It’s not so much that he lets her win as she doesn’t give him a chance to beat her. Steve is careful to watch for that moment when her eyes clear of fog and she glances around, almost in a daze.

“Steve?”

Only then does he allow himself to shake the frenetic energy from his muscles and reach out for her. It almost hurts when she grapples back and he knows it’s not the knee weakening shower sex afterwards that makes his chest tight. It’s the sudden fear that this might have a time limit. Like trying to hold onto a butterfly without crushing it or letting it fly away.

* * *

 

Not for the first time in many months, Steve envies Sam his casual friendliness and easygoing sense of humour. Steve’s never been the life of the party and usually he doesn’t mind, but watching Sam and Maria banter and the way her head tilts back as she laughs digs at the hollow in his stomach. It’s not surprising that they’ve become friends. Sam has that way about him and let’s face it, Sam is dependable. Whenever Steve forgets to charge his phone, which is a lot, it’s Sam that Maria has to contact. Very often, Sam gets to talking and they don’t stop.

He thinks of the cursory nod she gave him when he entered the room as she was busy talking to Romanoff. The wary distance she kept between them when the team arrived back with the scepter and Stark told her that technically Steve was the boss. The unspoken rule of their relationship is _be discreet_ and Steve thought he was okay with it, needed it even, while he searched for Bucky but the more time that passes, the harder it has become.

He watches her, as he often does at these parties, and picks up the little cues in her body language, the way she glides past people and almost through them like a graceful ship that never docks. He knows deep down he’ll never be able to give Maria a life outside of all this.

“Home is home, y’know?” Sam says to him a little while later.

The problem is that Steve doesn’t know. For so long he’d been intent on recreating his life before the ice but he’s walked those streets many times since then and the only thing that hasn’t changed is inside him.

On a whim, he takes a glass of Asgardian mead from Thor and though the brew doesn’t intoxicate him, it sets a little fire in his chest that makes him think it’s a good idea to follow Maria out onto the balcony. It’s dark out here and the breeze is bitter but he’s starting to burn up. Whether that’s because of the mead or because he’s thinking of all the ways he could coax the red dress off Maria, he’s not sure.

Either way his jacket comes off and he slings it over the balcony rail.

It’s impossible to get the jump on her, but not to surprise her with a casual arm around her waist which she almost shudders away from.

“Captain.” He even loves the way she admonishes him now. That quiet set of her voice, which when they’re alone he could tease into a pulse throbbing moan. He knows he’s falling the moment another couple step out onto the balcony and she takes a further step back. The pain cuts through him like piss through snow…hmmm maybe he is slightly drunk? But the sentiment remains the same. He doesn’t want this life for her. He doesn’t want this mask suffocating her forever, because he’s seen her smile and it’s glorious.

The couple stay only long enough to finish their cigarettes because it’s too cold out for normal men. He thinks of offering Maria his jacket but decides against it. She wouldn’t want it and Steve doesn’t know if he can handle what he’s about to say to her if she’s standing there draped in a part of him.

“Maybe this was a bad idea,” he says. He wants to punch himself but it’s too late to take it back.

“You’re going to have to be more specific,” she says. But the sudden steel in her voice tells him she understands perfectly.

Steve has to ball his fists to keep himself stationary. What she says next breaks all of his resolve.

“Bored of me already?”

He can’t help the bubble of incredulous laughter that escapes him as he closes the distance between them and locks her against his chest, refusing to budge even when she pushes.

“I could live another ninety years and still not be bored of you,” he says. “But this isn’t any kind of life and I want you to be with someone you don’t have to guard your feelings around other people for. I want you Maria, but you deserve better than this.”

What he wants is to press his lips against hers and drown in her until he can’t breathe but of course the party keeps raging and smoking is just as prevalent now as it was back in his day. His arms slacken and she steps back as another group of people walk out the doors.

Steve misses the warmth of her almost immediately but he knows it’s probably for the best. He can never give her the life she deserves when he doesn’t even know where home is himself.

“Think about it,” he tells her before he steps back through those doors and closes it on something he knows he’ll never get over.

* * *

 

He’s left his damn jacket out here and Maria is too caught up in the fact that Captain America just told her he’s not good enough for her to think of calling out after him. The more she thinks about it, the more Maria wants to drop kick Sam in the balls for making her hesitate. Normally, Maria would just cut her losses and prepare herself to move on. But the many months of Sam’s insidious hints makes her question herself.

“You know,” Sam had said casually the last time they talked, “Sometimes, when I catch him just staring off into the distance, I can’t tell anymore if he’s looking for Barnes or for you.”

It was impossible for them to hide their relationship from Sam when he and Steve have been practically joined at the hip. But it’s the way Sharon gets teased by the other agents when they meet for drinks simply because she lived next door and was assigned to protect him that makes Maria pause. Maria isn’t Sharon who takes it all in sunny stride. She’s the Iron Maiden and none of the former S.H.I.E.L.D agents would dare to even think of breathing such thoughts. She’s gotten plenty of side eye from Nat and Clint though.

Maria stands out on the balcony so long she doesn’t realise the party is dying down. Only that she’s in danger of becoming a Popsicle herself.

Just as she’s about to head in, her phone alerts her to a new message.

She checks it to find it’s Pepper wanting to know whether Tony is still coherent. She texts back the affirmative and then something possesses her to ask a question she has no right to even contemplate: _What made you decide to be with Tony? Publicly._

Her phone starts to ring less than thirty seconds after she presses send. The only thing that keeps Maria from ignoring the call is that Pepper is technically her boss. Though she doubts the other woman wants to talk business now.

“Just say yes,” Pepper starts immediately.

“Pepper.”

“Maria.”

“Can I please talk to the CEO and not the shipper?”

“Who says they’re not one and the same?” There is a long pause in which Maria counts backwards from ten. “Alright fine,” Pepper sighs. “Anyone with half a brain can see he adores you. So you only need to ask yourself three questions. Will he expect you to change for him? Will you have to anyway? Is he worth it?”

The line goes quiet as Maria’s mind works in overdrive.

No, he would never expect her to be anything but herself, that’s half the damned charm of the man.

Yes, she will have to change anyway because no woman can stand beside Captain America without being cast in at least some of his shadow.

It’s the last question that is both painfully easy to answer and gut wrenchingly difficult to admit. Because as much as she wants to deny it, has been attempting to tamp it down for months, Maria knows she would never have let him kiss her in the first place if he wasn’t worth it.

“Oh hell!” Maria says out loud.

Pepper’s laughter rings in her ear and then the other woman turns contemplative. “I know you would never kid yourself into thinking it’s going to be easy,” Pepper says, “There are jerks every day who insinuate about Tony and me. It’s men like these who want to convince you that your happiness is tied to the man you’re with. But Tony tells me you’ve kicked them down and stood on the backs of these men to get where you are. You’re a fighter Maria. Just be who you are and you’ll work it out.”

When Pepper rings off, Maria can only stare down at the brown leather jacket within arm’s reach of her. Is she really going to do this? If there’s one thing Maria refuses to be it’s a coward. And she’s done standing in the way of her own happiness. So with stinging resolve she throws the jacket on and slips her arms into the sleeves.

When she walks back into the party everyone but the Avengers has left. The jacket is like a beacon extolling the significance of her decision and Tony almost makes a wise crack when he sees her but even he is too afraid. The idea makes Maria smile.

But it’s the look on Steve’s face that dissolves everything around them and she knows that for now, she’s made the right decision. He inches forward just a fraction, still unsure of himself and in that instant, someone catches hold of the back of the jacket and Maria finds herself falling back onto the couch next to Clint. His arm is suddenly around her shoulder and Nat plops down on Maria’s other side.

“Hey, Maria!” Clint says. “What do you think of this business about Thor’s hammer?”

Though Clint’s voice is full of mirth, his gaze is directed at Steve and is full of loaded arrows. Nat leans in and whispers in her ear, “It looks good on you.”

It never occurred to Maria that when it came down to it, it’s her they would be protective of. Suddenly, she doesn’t know what to say and she can’t anyway because there is a lump in her throat.

* * *

 

Later she can’t shut up and Steve doesn’t allow her to. He fucks her like a raging summer storm after a drought, dragging his name from her lips every time. Some nights, Maria can’t wait for the dawn and yet this night, she’s surprised when the first rays of light sliver through the curtains and he’s still inside her, rolling his hips as she arches her back.

“When did that happen?” Maria says, lifting a heavy hand to the light.

“Somewhere between a dream and your beautiful smile.”

 He’s cooking breakfast when she gets out of the shower. She places the tablet between them when they sit down to eat.

“What’s this?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“The ground rules, Captain.”

He lifts the tablet and his jaw drops as he reads the list of things to be negotiated that she wrote while washing the smell of sex from her skin. He shakes his head in surrender when he’s done.

“Alright,” he says. “Let’s get this over with.”

**Author's Note:**

> I just found out that one of Cobie's middle names is Maria! *runs around in excitement* I hope that distracts you a little from the awfulness of my attempted smut!
> 
> @deandratb you can stop smirking now!!!!!


End file.
